


A Small Existence

by thatonedamncanadian (Shsldork)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Existentialism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 15:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11164938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shsldork/pseuds/thatonedamncanadian
Summary: Looking at the night sky, there were thousands - no, millions - of twinkling lights, some of which had burnt out thousands of years ago, yet still exist because of the distance between the curved hood of his car and that small dot in the night sky. He took a deep breath, an uncomfortable feeling rising in his chest. This small dot on this expansive landscape of blueish black before him was as insignificant to him as he was to the rest of the universe - when that star goes out, it will not have impacted him in the slightest.





	A Small Existence

He gazed up at the wonders around him. The dazzling stars, far away planets and distant galaxies, maybe not within his line of sight, but existing nonetheless. The vast majority of these things he’d never have the opportunity to visit, and yet he wondered. Looking at the night sky, there were thousands - no, millions - of twinkling lights, some of which had burnt out thousands of years ago, yet still exist because of the distance between the curved hood of his car and that small dot in the night sky. He took a deep breath, an uncomfortable feeling rising in his chest. This small dot on this expansive landscape of blueish black before him was as insignificant to him as he was to the rest of the universe - when that star goes out, it will not have impacted him in the slightest. The night would be that much duller, but the intensity of the brightness this star gives off is nothing compared to the other stars around it, shimmering amongst their own.

He hears a rustling behind him, successfully dragging him out of this train of thought. Pretty lucky if you consider the idea that this train was about to go off the rails, and not in a good way. He turns towards the noise, not at all surprised to see one of the few friends he brought with him. They always did have a knack for late night adventures.

“Whatcha thinking about?” This friend huffs as they push themselves on top of the vehicle, letting out a sigh once they land beside him. He can only let out a lethargic shrug before turning back to reexamine the night before him, drawing in another lungful of air.

“C'mon,” they pushed, “you have to be thinking of something.”

Before he can contribute to this so far one sided conversation, they speak up again, “Oh, I’ll guess! You’re thinking about… your friends?”

He laughs, before finally speaking up, “not even close. You have two guesses left.”

They pout, before resting their hand on their chin and furrowing their eyebrows.

“Hmm… the eventual heat death of the universe?”

He frowns.

“Still not right, but you’re getting warmer.”

Their expression softens, and they too turn to look up to the night sky, a small frown forming on their features, “Sorry. I was just trying to help. You looked… sad.”

Maybe he wasn’t so good at hiding his feelings after all. To be fair, he did think he was alone before.

“Yeah, well… you aren’t wrong.”

“Well, then what’s up? I haven’t seen you look this sad since the last time we hung out.”

“That was last week.”

“Yeah, well, there’s just something about your face.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Anyway, stop avoiding the subject.”

He smiled, glancing away from the night sky to give his friend a dopey look, “Subject? What subject? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

His friend looked back at him, giving him a look of massive disbelief, however a small hint of a smile tugged at their lips. He chuckled before that forlorn look appeared on his features once again. He looked back up at the stars, seeming to dance around each other, “Do you ever… Do you ever think about how pointless it all is?”

“How pointless what all is?”

“Life.”

His friend’s gaze peered into him, not a stare of negative feelings towards him, but more a stare of pity for him. He was being completely honest with his feelings, as if for the first time he was being completely transparent. His friend scooted closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “Maybe you think it’s pointless… and maybe it is, in the long run,” they squeezed, “but isn’t it beautiful? Not only that, but… think about it. Our universe is amazing. There was a very specific chain of events that lead to us existing in this moment, looking up at everything around us… If there had been even one factor changed, life as we know it might not even exist.”

“Yeah, but… why us? Why are we so special?”

“Truthfully… I don’t think anybody knows, but is that so important? I’m not saying we have a particular reason, because there might not be one, but that hasn’t stopped us so far. I think the thing that really matters is that we exist. We’re here, sitting on the roof of your car, and everything that’s ever happened has lead up to this one moment… isn’t that beautiful to you?”

He looked back at his friend, the hope and wonder in their eyes, and wraps an arm around their shoulder.

“Don’t ever change.”

They laughed, filling the night with a melody that could brighten any day, nothing else necessary, “I’ll try, but no promises.”

“Well… if you do change… just try to keep that hope with you, okay? Try not to overthink things. Don't become jaded.”

“God, what are you, my mother?”

“It’s just a precaution.”

“Just be quiet before you ruin the moment.”

He smiled, before gazing at the stars with a new perspective. It was almost as if they were shining even brighter than before, matching the new found peaceful feeling in his chest. He didn’t feel pain, or restriction, but serenity. Even if it lasted for just a moment, he decided to savour the feeling. It might be a while before he felt it again.

“Hey… you never made your third guess.”

They glanced at him, looking his face over, “I think… you’re thinking about how you want this moment to last forever.”

“Third strike, you’re out.”

“Fine then, what were you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about how I could really go for some pizza right now.”

They pushed him off them, smiling.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“Your stomach ruined the moment.”

They both laughed as the stars disappeared above them, hints of a reddish orange glow starting to make an appearance over the horizon.


End file.
